We could have danced ‘til the grave
But my heart wasn’t loud enough
You needed something simple
Your lust was a disease
I gave you everything!
I lifted your feet from the ground
We swung beneath the moon
And danced above the sea
Still you chose a creature below
She who could smile and sing
But surely can not dance.
Am I nothing to you?
I curse my own heart for loving you
A sign of the cross buried me away
Yet you’d choose a godless beast
To make your own
With these tears I shed
I hold tight to what could have been
I offered you everything, yet and still
I’m here flying below the moon alone
I ‘ve been in this very spot for days it seems; laying in the sand whilst crabs and other creatures crawl over me like a corpse. The tide is weakened by the almost enclosed bay, so the waves rarely reach my prone body. From my back, wrapped in tattered clothes, I’ve watched stars die and give birth in the night. I can recall one night a star became so bright, so full, it’s light drowned the moon’s tired reflecting light. The star began to form a small spiral that slowly coiled like a snake about to attack. This snake gathered in size and with it’s vermillion color, it became so bright that the reflection of it’s soon demise spread along the ocean like thousands of rubies floating along the sea. It’s beauty broke my heart for I knew such beauty could only breathe so long before it’s light would burn out. And before I could take in the sight with a breath, the star had imploded into darkness and the moon was left again to fit the night. Where the star had died, a darkness just sat amongst the neighboring stars. It’s blackness was terrifying. It was mysterious. Through my journey along this maddening world, it was, however, the one place I was yet to search. Could she be lost in this oblivion? I stared in the black hole through the night with optimism- an optimism I hadn’t felt sense the day I found Saturn lingering in her eye.
My feet are invisible behind the mud they’ve built up over my journey. It would seem that I haven’t bathed in weeks. I can’t recall the last time I made an attempt to cater to any hygienic needs I possess as a human, but then again, I can’t even recall when I even ate last. Something was feeding what little will I still had; and through that darkness of that deceased star, was my last hope. It was clear what must be done, one final push to find love once again. Such a high, in such a world like the one she rules over, has been but a mere taste upon tongue. To go without the ever changing colors of the sea, or the fire within one’s vision, is not something I could survive any longer. So without any more hesitation, I left this crescent bay and ran to the forest behind me to gather wood. Thousands of trees I chopped down and many a dream did pass. The sobbing of the trees, nor the sad whistling eulogies of the birds that perished, could slow my desire- my need for that smirk she holds so true. I dreamt of her skin and my hands grasping her at the hips as her arms wrapped around my neck. I’d kiss her eyes and promise her my life- and give her heart security as I’d whisper “I’ll never let go again.”
The land was now without trees. A barren wasteland now rested where life once flourished. But she was not there, so life was merely a dream, a desolate desert of pain.
I waited for night fall to spot the void in the sky. There was no moon this night and the stars seemed to guide me to my destination. I started to build a ladder from the trees I had gathered. Almost a full year had passed. It was difficult to identify the season because the trees were no more, but the chill was like that of the pines after the summer had passed. The ladder was complete. My hopes were again in tact. I erected the ladder and stuck the bottom end into the sad about 10 feet away from the water. The top of the ladder rested at the edge of the world along the opening of the black void in the sky. I stripped the clothes that still remained and walked into the ocean one final time. I swam out to where the ocean floor was nowhere to be found and just floated for a few minutes. Just below the hole, the key to my eternal pleasure, the blackness of the ocean cradled me- and for the first time in this world, I felt at peace. That peace, however, was broken by a monstrous claw. It’s scaled extremities wrapped around me and severed my temporality sanity. I was thrown from the ocean and smashed at the sand of the bay. The Leviathan of the biblical text emerged from the water. My first instinct was to run, but it’s giant claw slammed beside me. A single claw was twice the size of me and it’s body wound like a snake that never ended in the sea. It hovered above me and yelled “Are you the fool that hath brought death to the land? What say you, creature?! Speak now before thy life meets its end and becomes my next meal!” The eye’s of this beast were pale and wild. As he finished speaking, it’s eyelids slowly came up before them.
“I am he,” as my voice cracked with terror. “I have brought death to this land. Please understand my purpose was not to harm anyone or destroy this place. This place is a…”
The Leviathan interrupted, “Hault with thy apology! So easy was it to destroy this world, so shall it be to devour your useless soul.”
A pain shot through my leg as the beast picked me up with its claw by my leg. It brought me close until I was hanging upside down before it’s mouth. The anger in it’s voice was almost as frightening as the smell of decaying death upon it’s breath. Between the teeth of this animal were limbs of man, but not of anything else from the sea. The mouth opened and I was shoved half way in. As he was about to close the door on my life, before I could pass out from the stench of his diet, I screamed, “I did it for love!!!” He slowly drew me from his mouth and said with a suspicious arrogance, “Love you say?”
“Love! Yes…I’m searching for my one true love!” I screamed as I still dangled upside down a mile above the waterline.
“Does thy love speak little with words?
“Does thy love morph the night into day and realign the seas with color unknown to anyone?
“Does thy love’s eye have the planet of Saturn rotating behind her hair?”
“Yes! But how…How could you possibly…”
“Say no more.” The beast started to softly chuckle before breaking out into complete laughter. “Love,” his laughter became so loud that it echoed throughout the bay and sent ripples through the water. “Love you say!” He through me back to the shore. “Thy fate, you’ll find, is lined with love- something far more gruesome than I could ever be.” And without another word, it’s body slithered back into the blackened night, leaving me bleeding on the shore.
At dawn I wasted little time with my climb. I climbed with a fury and anxiousness that could kill another man. The blood was running from my leg and falling to the sea below. When I reached the clouds I looked down for the first time and noticed the sea had become like blood and nothing but desert remained beyond it. It took almost another 3 days once the clouds were behind me. Without water or food, and a bleeding limb, my body was pleading to shut down. “This is for love,” I’d recite like hymn over and over. On the next day I had no energy left. I had reached the extent of my capabilities. I was hanging on this ladder above a land of death. The only thing keeping my body from falling was my arm that was bent over a step of the ladder. My arm was loosing strength and began to slip. I was looking down preparing for the end, when an arm grabbed my arm. I looked up to see and arm extending through the void in the sky. The fatigue had kept me from noticing that I was only steps away.
Something about that touch. That touch I’ve felt before. Is it her?! Her skin gave life to my body and she lifted through the black hole in the sky. I fell over the edge to find myself amongst the stars and planets. Behind me the void had closed and that desolate world was now just a memory. Before was planet lingering in space. It was Saturn. The rings of the plant moved like clock work and the magnificent colors burned with an elegance I only remember in my dreams. And sitting on the planet, meditating with her legs crossed, was HER- my love. Two stars flew beneath me and carried me to her feet. I fell to my knees and kissed her feet. Her finger lifted my chin with grace and she led my lips to hers. Close enough to dream but not enough to touch, she whispered, “Love.”
She kissed my lips gently and smiled. She grabbed my hand and put it on the planet’s rings. Lost in her smile I didn’t notice the rings wrapping around my wrist. When I finally realized the cuffs of neon red, I attempted to take them off but the other wrist hand been equally condemned.
I spoke with exhaustion, “What is this!? I’ve traveled far and near to find you!” She didn’t say a word. Just smiled.
My arms were now pinned above me to the planet. She knelt to my stomach and slowly ran her tongue up to my lips. My eyes were rolling back to my head and I began to convulse. With white foam coming from my mouth, she clinched my chin betwixt her index finger and her thumb. “It’s just love,” she giggled.
She was gone. And the last thing I remembered were the words of the Leviathan.
Monterey County Sheriff Department
Narrative for Sergeant Allan Shmuck
On April 13, 2013, I was called by the Point Lobos Park Ranger to come to the park to observe a body that had been found on the shore of one of the coves.
Upon arrival it was apparent the body had been there over night. There was no identification on the deceased and there was little sign of struggle. The hands were folded above his head and the arms were extended fully. The park was closed off before I had arrived. The deceased was naked but I found the clothes washed up in one of the caves along the cove. A white shirt with “Alice in Chains” written on it and blue jeans were all that was found. A severe wound was found on the leg of the deceased. The injury didn’t look to have cauterized and blood was all around the victim. A white substance that would usually indicate an overdose was dried up around the mouth. No substances were found. I advised the Ranger to keep the park closed and to stay away from the scene until the coroner arrived.
To my disgrace, I hold the truth in contempt
The shattering of reality forfeits my dreams
My pleading, like a wounded wolf in the night,
Only wakes the frantic horror of buried pasts
Beside the tombs of beloved dreams,
Where hope once burned a candle’s life,
I rest a black rose to honor what never was.
Like the dreams of yesterday, I will find a way
To sever the hope born unto me by torturous light
The light of hope holds no solace for the ill-fated man
Rest easy, my dreams- Tomorrow you’ll belong to another
It was sometime in mid July, I recall. Like most mornings, I awoke to the stench of myself as the Haitian humidity always provides. I didn’t have a hunger as breakfast was something that we just could not afford. The sun had made it’s way through my window and in orgasmic fashion it caressed my body. Thoughts of you, the Loa, cloaked in this Virgin Mary mystique, was what we drank to as yesterday’s sun laid to rest. Today marked your arrival some time ago as you hovered above the palm tree at the foot of the La Tombe River. I heard the stories, and though I wasn’t there, I know you were there. I don’t dare doubt the Loa, for love is what you always provide, and love is all that’s kept a poor people alive. If I could go back in time, I’d go back to that morning you came to us and I’d take my life instead of shooting you down.
“Beautiful brown skin above the trees
Take away the hate
Let love take the hate away
Body sculpted by La Tombe
Take the pain down the river
I will swim in you forever
Embodiment of my desires
Feed my sexual hunger
I’m forever yours to roam
A single spirit wielding the power of all
But I’m blinded by fear
So I shot you down
I couldn’t tell the blanc ‘no’
So I casted a stone
Destroying Ville Bonheur
All sins bury the sinner in time
Master’s house engulfed in flames
He soon met his demise
False priests burn like the sun
He lost his soul sometime in the night
I can’t say I felt remorse
Now, I who shot the rifle betwixt your eye
Too weak of a man to stop
My master was louder than love
A slave if I don’t
A slave if I do
Now, I’m just a corpse
Buried alive in shame…”
I called out to you today
3 hours from an awaking sun
Credulous, sadly I remain
As hope I begin to shun
A gentleman’s ode to chivalry
Dying men crying in silence
Nothing more than a eulogy
Surrender hope for indulgence
Alive today because of a dream
But he’s slipping on his own sword
Lustful fool shall never be free
Dreams he just simply can’t afford
With hope withering like a winter rose
His pride remains all that ever shows